This morning, H just about pulled J's bowl and plate off the computer from where he left it last night. We're in the process of moving and things aren't clean. This, combined with the speed at which she can now get everywhere, makes it so you have to watch her every second.
Anyway, I apparently yelled out at him as she almost pulled the dishes (empty) down on herself. He moved it, and then set it back on the computer. I told him something like, "Don't put it back there!" And he got pissed off at me and said, "Stop with the tone."
Right after H did that, she was playing with his bottle of digestive enzymes that doesn't have a childproof cap and she's able to open. I told him he needed to take it away from her.
NOTE - I was working at my computer. He was supposed to be watching her, not me.
Then he tells me she's wet so I went to help him change her. We do nurse/changes where I bf her while he changes the diaper. He tells me, "I know you're trying to be more strict with her, but you're using that tone with me too and I don't like it."
I was floored, I feel horrible. I said, "I hope I'm not being too strict." I started crying but tried to hide it from him. After that, I took the laptop into the bedroom and I've been hiding out, doing work.
AM I TOO STRICT?
I have been telling her, "No H, we don't do that." when she's on the couch with me and tries to rip the tapestry off the wall. She knows now, she starts to pull on it and I tell her no and she stops. I also tell her, "No, be gentle with mommy. Don't pull my hair." I've told her twice today to be gentle and not scratch my face.
I grew up with a very strict dad and I'm really worried about how my tone really is to her. I'm also really tired and need to write two more documents before the end of the day, so I'm stressed out. I'm not getting enough done during the week this week because I had a lot of meetings and had to drive back and forth to work twice the past two days to come home to feed H. And, on top of it all, we're closing on our condo in about a week and have to be out of here by the 10th. And - J is going to be in L.A. next weekend for three days visiting his dad and I'll have baby by myself all that time.
Ack. I feel like it's too much, I'm not good enough at anything right now. It helps that I got good feedback on one of the docs I just sent out for review.
Well, baby is crying in the other room. I should go feed her before I need to go into the office. I was going to work from home all day today, but I remembered I need to fax my pay stub to our lender, I have have to go in just for that. :(
I feel like a horrible parent. Ugh. I didn't know it was possible to feel so bad. I felt like I was doing a good job, now I am unsure and doubting myself.
